I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize