Do you still have your period?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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