We need to start having sex underwater more often.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
