she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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