"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
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