i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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