when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
