Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
