no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
