I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
