GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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