And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
