as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I need to calm my uterus...
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
