Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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