addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
