Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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