Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
