come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Randomize
