am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
