I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
