The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
