he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Are my feet made of real feet?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Randomize
