We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
