don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
