That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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