Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
