I just made out with a guy for $7.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
