a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
