I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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