I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
