This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
