the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
