Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
