told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Sorry my hands just texted you
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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