i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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