if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
me + whiskey = a bad person
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
