I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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