he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
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