i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
