Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
