Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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