MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
