I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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