her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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