my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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