am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
