actually, I'm a sock model
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
no, he came in my armpit
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
