I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
