I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
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