Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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