i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
