Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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