She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
