I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
