I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
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