i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
