wanna go halves on a baby?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
