I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
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