I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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