Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
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