I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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