So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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