It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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