Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
