Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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