will power is for people who don't want to get laid
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
