life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
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