Dual....:-)
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
