Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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