a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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