There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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