i just google imaged poop.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
