just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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