hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize